Letting Go: How to Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes
Letting Go of Past Mistakes: Why It Matters
Everyone makes mistakes. And I mean everyone.
But the important thing isn’t about never messing up—it’s about what happens next.
Do you dwell on it, letting it consume you?
Or do you learn from it and then move on?
It’s important to keep in mind that your past doesn’t define you. You’re not the same person you were back then. Let’s be honest, if you’re constantly looking back, how can you see where you’re going?
I know that letting go isn’t always easy. But it’s necessary. It’s like freeing yourself from an anchor that’s been holding you back.
Ruminating about your past mistakes won’t let you grow, evolve, and, most importantly, live in the present.
It’ll only keep you stuck in the past, where you don’t exist anymore, because the only thing you have is the present moment. There’s nothing you can do about the past.
So, let’s help you get unstuck from that.
And remember, it’s never too late to start over. If you’re ready to break free and embrace the future, keep reading. There’s a lot more wisdom to share, and I believe you have the strength to make this change.
In this post, I’m sharing with you some strategies you can use to leave the past where it belongs 🙂
12 Ways to Practice Self-Forgiveness
1. Give yourself permission to feel
The first step in the process is acknowledging your feelings. Mistakes often come with a surge of emotions that flows afterwards. Maybe it’s guilt and shame for letting yourself down. Or maybe it’s plain disappointment.
Whatever it may be, these feelings are powerful, and they’re also perfectly normal. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. These emotions are a natural response to recognizing that we’ve messed up. This is part of being human.
However, there’s a difference between experiencing these emotions and staying stuck. The problem begins when you can’t move past the guilt or shame.
When you’re obsessing over your mistakes to the point where it’s affecting your present, it’s like you’re replaying a movie of a mistake you made over and over again in your head, but this movie isn’t helping you grow or heal. It’s merely trapping you in a cycle of self-blame and regret.
You’re not the first person to make a mistake, and you certainly won’t be the last. It’s all part of the journey. So, allow these feelings to flow.
Feel them, understand them, and then let them pass. They’re not meant to be your permanent residents, just visitors passing by. A great tool to do this is journaling about anything and everything that’s going through your mind right now.
When you make room for your feelings and then allow them to leave, you’re taking the first step toward healing and forgiveness.
2. Understand you did the best you could with what you knew at the time
Imagine yourself back at that moment when you made the mistake.
You didn’t have the knowledge, the wisdom, or the insights you have now. You were navigating the situation with the understanding and resources you had at your disposal at that time.
It’s easy to judge your past self based on what you know now, but remember, back then, you didn’t have the benefit of this hindsight.
So, how fair is it to judge your past actions with the knowledge you’ve gained from their consequences?
This is the paradox of self-forgiveness. Our mistakes teach us lessons, but then it’s tempting to beat ourselves up for not knowing those lessons before we make the mistakes.
It’s like blaming a student for not knowing the answer before the teacher has given the lesson.
You see, we learn and grow from our experiences, especially the challenging ones. They make us wiser, stronger, and more resilient. Your past self didn’t know what your present self knows now, and that’s okay. It’s more than okay; it’s how growth happens.
So, instead of judging your past self, try thanking her. She was doing the best she could with what she knew at the time, and her actions have led you to become the person you are today, someone capable of learning and growing.
Remember, you’re on this journey for a reason and every step you take brings you closer to the person you aspire to be. So, stand tall, believe in your strength, and keep on moving.
3. Show yourself the kindness you need
Mistakes are inevitable. It’s a part of being human. It’s how we learn and grow.
But the thing is, when you keep beating yourself up for something you did in the past, you’re not helping yourself. In fact, you’re making it harder to move forward.
Imagine you’ve fallen down. Would you keep hitting yourself for tripping, or would you rather offer a hand to help yourself back up? That’s what self-compassion is all about.
It’s about understanding your worth beyond your mistakes and that what matters is that you’re willing to stand back up.
So, show yourself the kindness you need. Try to talk to yourself as you would to a good friend who made a mistake.
You wouldn’t berate them, would you? You’d encourage them, tell them that they can learn from this and become even better. That’s how you should talk to yourself.
Remember, you’re human, you’re capable, and you have a great capacity for growth. You might just be surprised at how far a little kindness can take you.
4. Notice when you are being self-critical
It’s easy to get lost in a sea of self-criticism, especially when you’re constantly reminding yourself of your mistakes. If you feel like you’re stuck in a loop, it’s time to take a step back and observe your thoughts and feelings.
Each time a negative thought pops up, take note of it. It’s like catching a harmful bug before it can spread. That’s the first part of this step: awareness.
Now, why is this important? Well, it’s simple. You can’t change something if you don’t know it’s there, right? By noticing these thoughts, you’re acknowledging their existence. You’re realizing that your mind is stuck in the past.
Once you’ve noticed these thoughts, it’s time to flip them. Replace them with kind thoughts.
I know, I know. Easier said than done.
It might seem unnatural or forced at first, but with time, it will become a habit. You’ll see that you’re not your mistakes; you’re so much more.
You have the power to change your thinking, and in doing so, you’ll find how much it helps you move on.
Give it a shot, and be patient with yourself.
5. Have a conversation with your inner critic
You know that little voice inside your head? The one that sometimes tells you that you’re not good enough or reminds you of your mistakes? That’s your inner critic.
It’s like a little person living inside your head, quick to point out your flaws and hold you back.
But here’s the thing, that voice is not the enemy. It may seem like it, but it’s actually trying to protect you.
Now, here’s an idea: Instead of fighting with it, why not have a conversation with it? Sounds a bit odd, right? But it’s not.
Just like you would talk to a friend who’s being overly critical, you can do the same with that inner voice.
When it starts nagging you, stop and acknowledge what it’s saying. Then, calmly respond to it. Let it know that you appreciate its concern, but you’re learning from your past and moving on.
Remember, this is your journey toward forgiving yourself, and you have the power to navigate it the way you see fit. So, take a deep breath, sit down, and have that conversation.
It might be awkward at first, but with time, it will get easier. And guess what? You will see that it will gradually become less critical and more supportive.
6. Celebrate the lessons you learned
You may find this surprising, but it’s pivotal to celebrate the lessons you learned from your past actions. Yes, even the ones that came through mistakes. Those lessons are like pearls of wisdom derived from the oyster of your experiences.
This celebration isn’t about glorifying mistakes but about acknowledging the growth that came from them.
When you find the courage to celebrate these lessons, you are essentially accepting your past and embracing the lessons you took from it.
This act of celebration is proof of your resilience and your capacity to learn and grow. Every time you celebrate, you’re shedding the burden of your past and allowing yourself to move forward.
Take a moment, reflect on the lessons you’ve learned, and celebrate them. You will find it liberating and empowering, and it will strengthen your will to keep moving forward.
7. Take full responsibility
Taking responsibility is like taking the steering wheel of your life. It empowers you to steer clear of the path of guilt and regret and navigate towards growth and development.
It shifts your focus from blame and excuses to solutions and improvements. It enables you to transform your mistakes into stepping stones for success rather than stumbling blocks of self-doubt.
However, keep in mind that there’s a vast difference between owning your mistakes and continually punishing yourself for them.
To own your mistakes is to acknowledge them, understand them, and learn from them. It’s about accepting the past to create a better future.
The first step to taking full responsibility for your mistakes is to reflect on them with honesty.
Take a quiet moment, and instead of burying or running from your past errors, bring them to your conscious mind.
Consider the circumstances that led to the mistake, your actions, and the consequences that followed.
This process isn’t meant to invite guilt or self-punishment but to foster understanding and learning. It’s about seeing your mistakes not as failings but as lessons that can guide your future actions.
After reflection, seek to make amends where possible. If your mistake has hurt someone else, have the courage to acknowledge your wrong and do what’s within your power to rectify the situation.
If the mistake primarily affected you, forgive yourself and take steps to ensure you don’t repeat the same error.
Remember, nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.
What truly matters is what you do after making a mistake. Do you wallow in self-pity or self-blame, or do you take responsibility and strive for improvement? The choice is yours to make.
8. Use positive affirmations
Simply put, positive affirmations are positive statements that help override negative thoughts or self-doubt and reinforce self-belief and confidence.
When you continually repeat these uplifting statements, you start to believe in them, and they gradually rewire your brain to focus on positivity and self-love.
Your mind has the ability to shape your reality. If you fill it with self-critical thoughts, you’re likely to dwell on your past regrets.
However, if you flood your mind with positive affirmations, you encourage yourself to let go of the past and look forward to a brighter future.
Here are some positive affirmations you can integrate into your daily routine if you’re still struggling to forgive yourself.
Choose the ones that resonate with you the most and repeat them daily:
- “I forgive myself for my mistakes, and I am free to move forward.”
- “I am deserving of love, kindness, and respect.”
- “Every day, I grow stronger and more resilient.”
- “I am capable of overcoming any challenge that comes my way.”
- “I accept myself as I am, and I am constantly evolving.”
- “I practice self-compassion.”
- “I love myself unconditionally.”
- “I am in control of my happiness and success.”
- “I am learning, growing, and becoming a better me every day.”
- “I am enough.”
You have these powerful affirmations at your disposal, but what next? You can integrate them into your daily routine. Here’s how:
- Morning rituals: Start your morning by repeating your chosen affirmations aloud. Greet the day with positivity, reinforcing your self-worth and potential for success right from the start.
- Quiet moments: Repeat your affirmations in quiet moments throughout your day. You could do this while sipping your coffee, commuting to work, or taking a short walk.
- Mirror work: Look at yourself in the mirror as you say your affirmations. This practice can feel particularly powerful, as it’s like speaking directly to your soul.
- Before bed: Close the day by repeating your affirmations. This plants seeds of positivity, influencing your subconscious mind as you sleep.
- Write them down: Write your affirmations in a journal. The physical act of writing helps cement these positive beliefs in your mind.
- Post reminders: Put post-it notes with your affirmations on your mirror, computer, or any other place you frequently see.
Remember, the key to making affirmations work is consistency. Keep repeating them, and over time, you’ll start to see a shift in your mindset.
9. Live mindfully
By practicing mindfulness, you train yourself to focus on the present without judgment or distraction. Suddenly, the past and future don’t seem quite so heavy. You’re here, now, and that’s all that matters.
Mindfulness isn’t just a nice concept, though. It’s backed by science.
A study showed that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy can prevent relapses into depression, a condition often tied to past events.
Practicing mindfulness doesn’t necessarily mean sitting still and meditating, although meditation is a powerful tool for mindfulness. Here are a few easy tips to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life to help you stop thinking about the past:
- Breathe deeply: Focus on your breath. Draw in a slow, deep breath, hold it for a moment, then exhale slowly. Repeat this as many times as you’d like. Your breathing can serve as an anchor, always bringing your attention back to the present moment.
- Eat mindfully: Instead of rushing through meals, take the time to savor every bite. Pay attention to the flavors, textures, and aromas. This not only enhances your enjoyment of food but also helps you develop mindfulness.
- Active listening: When you’re having a conversation, practice active listening. This means fully focusing on the other person, their words, and expressions, instead of thinking about what you’ll say next.
- Mindful walking: Even a simple activity like walking can become a mindfulness exercise. Notice how your feet feel hitting the ground, the rhythm of your breath, the wind on your skin, and the sounds around you.
Remember, mindfulness is about being fully present and engaged in the current moment. It doesn’t require any special equipment or location. You can practice it anytime, anywhere.
10. Practice radical acceptance
What happened in the past is in the past. You can’t change what happened.
Radical acceptance means acknowledging reality as it is, not as you wish it were.
It’s about learning to live with the past and accepting it rather than trying to change it.
This doesn’t mean you approve of everything that happened, but instead, you stop resisting the unchangeable and focus your energy on things you can impact.
Here are some of the principles of radical acceptance that you can start practicing today:
- Embrace reality: The first principle of radical acceptance is to recognize and accept reality as it is. This means acknowledging both the pleasant and unpleasant aspects of life without trying to deny, avoid, or change them. It is about being in harmony with reality rather than in a constant struggle against it.
- Non-judgmental stance: Radical acceptance encourages a non-judgmental approach. Instead of labeling experiences as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, we should try to view them objectively as simply ‘what is’. This approach helps to alleviate stress and anxiety associated with negative judgments.
- Focus on the present: By focusing on the ‘now,’ we can allow ourselves to fully experience life as it unfolds, fostering a deeper sense of peace and contentment.
Remember, you can’t change the past. You can only shape your future. Make peace with your past and use it as a catalyst for personal growth. It’s time to take your lessons learned and apply them moving forward. So, here’s the deal: the past is in the past. But you hold the pen that will write the next chapter of your life story. Don’t be afraid to make it a masterpiece.
11. Apologize to others and yourself
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we say or do things that we later regret. If you realize that you’ve hurt someone, offering an apology can help make amends.
An apology isn’t just about saying you’re sorry. It’s about expressing genuine remorse for your actions and demonstrating empathy towards the feelings of others.
Remember, the goal of an apology is not only to ask for forgiveness but also to understand, acknowledge, and rectify the damage caused.
The journey of acceptance and healing extends to forgiving yourself as well.
Sometimes it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of guilt and regret. However, this can only hold you back.
By forgiving yourself, you accept that you’re an imperfect human. Embrace your imperfections and use your mistakes as stepping stones for personal growth.
Plus, apologizing can be challenging but profoundly rewarding. Open up a conversation and be honest about how you feel. Make sure the other person feels heard and understood.
Try to make up for the mistake in actions, not just words. Show them through your consistent behavior that you are genuinely sorry and willing to change.
Lastly, learn from your mistakes: reflect on the misstep and identify what you can do differently next time.
Remember, the path to self-improvement starts with owning up to your mistakes and learning from them.
The journey may be difficult, but the destination is worth it.
12. Seek professional help
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this, and reaching out to a therapist or a mental health professional is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things you can do.
These professionals can give you the tools to manage feelings of guilt and regret, providing a safe space for you to voice your thoughts and fears.
Often, the weight of your mistakes can feel too heavy to bear alone. There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help to carry that weight. If you find that part of your past is becoming an obstacle in your path to personal growth, a therapist can help you navigate around it.
They can offer you strategies to process your feelings, and most importantly, they can help you learn to forgive yourself.
The Bottom Line
Here’s the deal: you have every right to move on from your past and embrace the future with open arms.
Making mistakes doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s just how you learn and grow.
But holding onto guilt and regret won’t make you a better person. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack while trying to climb a mountain. The higher you go, the harder it gets.
Reach out to a professional, get the tools you need to manage these feelings, learn from your past, and then let it go.
Forgiving yourself isn’t only an act of self-love—it’s an act of survival. You deserve all the love in the world, especially from yourself.
The journey may be tough, but I promise you that once you get to the top of that mountain, the view is absolutely worth it.
You’ve got this! 💪🏼
