To live is to grow.
For better or for worse, you’re constantly changing, evolving, growing.
Everything that happens around you directly impacts who you become: from the foods you eat to the people you interact with, everything matters.
It happens day after day, and sometimes you don’t even realize it.
Sometimes that growth is positive because it takes you closer to the best version of yourself.
But sometimes, when left unattended, that evolution can be a negative one.
Little by little, you can slowly become a person you don’t identify yourself with—someone you don’t want to be.
It happens to the best of us.
We become conformists. We stay stuck in our comfort zones. We hang out with toxic people because they’re also fun to be around.
And then, one day, it hits you. You feel stuck, lost. You’re not doing what you want to do. You’re unhappy.
This post is a detailed guide on how to become the person you want to be, step by step. No matter how stuck you feel right now.
I hope you enjoy reading and, if you decide to embrace this transformation, you do it out of pure love for yourself.
How to Become the Person You Want to Be: 15 Steps
1. Take time to know yourself better
You have to really know yourself.
You need to uncover and define your:
If you don’t know any of that yet, then take time to know yourself better.
I’m a huge journaling fan, and I always recommend starting with journaling therapy to uncover all of those things about yourself.
Journaling consists of writing down all your thoughts.
This exercise is effective because it helps you let it all out without being afraid of being judged; you can be totally honest.
I designed a very affordable journaling tool called the Self-Discovery Bundle to help you understand your feelings and yourself.
The Self-Discovery Bundle is a collection of different journaling workbooks, each designed with a specific goal in mind, like helping you overcome your fears, for example.
Completing these workbooks at your own pace is the perfect first step to begin the transformation you’re looking for.
They’ll help you understand:
- what you want to do with your life,
- what you’re afraid of,
- what you need to change to build your dream life,
- and so much more.
2. Decide to change
A crucial part of this process is saying “Yes, I want to change” and actually meaning it.
Are you really going to do this this time?
Or is this just another one of those moments when you said you were going to do something and never actually did it?
3. Find your why
Why do you want to become a better person?
What made you say, “I’ve had enough. I want a change”?
Keeping your reasons in mind is not only necessary to keep you on track throughout the process, but it’ll also help you understand who you are.
What’s your big why?
What do you want to achieve?
Again, use journaling to uncover your why or talk to someone who understands and knows you well.
Keep your reasons somewhere you can see them every day, so you never forget why you’re doing all of this.
4. Work on your vision
Take pen and paper (or open a notes app on your phone) and describe your vision in detail.
How does your dream life look? How do you see yourself in 3 or 5 years?
I know it can be scary or confusing to think about that, so take a deep breath, close your eyes and pay attention to what comes to your mind.
Do you see yourself in an apartment or a big house? Do you see yourself with kids? Do you see yourself working from home or dressing up every day to head to your office?
Keep your eyes on the prize: Read what you wrote every single day, so you never forget what you want. Close your eyes every time and picture yourself living that life.
You can see this exercise as a law of attraction exercise, if you will, but I prefer to think of it as a daily motivator.
Plus, the more you imagine things, the more real and closer they feel. Picturing your dream life every day will keep you inspired.
Feel free to change things as you grow and change. None of this is set in stone.
5. Know your values
Your values are the beliefs that guide you through life.
They help you define and understand what matters to you and the motivation behind your choices.
Knowing your values is vital in your transformation because they’ll help you understand yourself better. Plus, they’ll help you stay consistent with your choices.
Check out this list of values and pick your top 5.
- Why do I think this value’s important to me?
- How does this value manifest in my daily life?
- How can I bring more [value] into my life?
6. Be mindful
Focus on mindfulness and self-awareness right from the beginning.
Pay attention to little things you do, say, and think.
Beware of how you interact with others, how negative or positive your self-talk is.
Bring your attention to the present every day, and you’ll start noticing things about yourself you hadn’t thought about before.
Ask yourself questions like:
- what does my routine say about me?
- Are my habits harming my growth?
- What can I learn from analyzing the people I spend the most time with?
Meditation 5-10 minutes a day is a great way to start, but if that’s not your thing for one reason or the other, then journaling can also help you become more mindful of your feelings and thought.
Give it a try.
7. Let your frustrations flow
I know it can be frustrating to become aware of things you don’t like about yourself or realize there are many things about yourself you don’t know.
What matters is that you’re reading this article, and that’s already a sign that tells me you want to do something about the things that bother you.
Growing with intention and becoming the person you want to be takes:
- and time
Use journaling to put your frustrations down on paper. Let them flow and go.
Tell yourself that the past is in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it.
Remember that wanting to become the best version of yourself is already an act of self-love.
So take that as the foundation ground to keep showing yourself the love and patient you deserve.
And don’t forget that becoming the person you want to be is a process, not a task.
8. Get rid of the guilt
Realizing you’re not the person you want to be isn’t fun.
Sometimes, when you notice you need a change, you start wondering what you did wrong and what took you where you are right now.
That thought process will make you realize you’ve made some bad choices here and there, and that can send you down the guilt rabbit hole.
Analyzing what went wrong is a great exercise (and even a necessary one), but staying stuck there won’t help your cause.
Whatever decision or lifestyle in the past that brought you here and caused you dissatisfaction, let it behind you.
This process is about blooming and becoming the best version of yourself, not about blaming yourself for past mistakes.
So, remember: the past is in the past, and the present’s what counts.
Focus on making the right choices today instead of letting your past bad decisions distract you.
9. Identify your obstacles
Take pen and paper and make a list of all the obstacles preventing you from living the life you want.
Once that list’s ready, take a look at it and circle the ones that are within your control.
Cross out all the ones related to other people and the ones you can’t (objectively) do something about.
How many of those reasons or obstacles are directly related to your mindset?
Can you identify self-doubt somewhere on that list?
10. Focus on habits, not goals
To make this positive transformation last, you’ll need to make it part of your day-to-day.
And the only way to do that is through habits.
Habits are small actions you take every day, sometimes without even noticing it or overthinking it, like brushing your teeth or scrolling mindlessly through your phone.
So, the idea here is to implement the habits that’ll take you where you want to be.
What are the habits you need to ditch? Which little things do you do every day that are harming your self-growth?
And, what are the habits you need to start practicing so you can reach your self-growth goals?
11. Let others inspire you
Is there someone you’d like to emulate?
Make a list of people who inspire you.
What do they have in common?
Have they written books or articles you can read to learn more about them?
Soak in all the information you can about these people and see how you can implement those lessons in your own life.
Pay attention to the habits they practice and if they attribute their success to those habits.
- eat healthily,
- go on retreats,
- read daily,
- have relaxing hobbies?
How do they take care of themselves?
What do they do to make progress consistently?
Research their habits and understand why they work.
Let these people and their habits give you ideas and motivate you.
12. Improve your vibes
I know, I know, this may sound too new-agy, but hear me out…
Changes occur day after day, little by little.
This process is NOT about changing yourself entirely overnight, but about being patient and creating lasting habits that’ll take you where you want to be.
To do that, you’ll need to push through the days: the good ones and the bad ones.
And that’s where your vibe can come in to rescue you when you don’t feel like doing the work or when you start thinking you’ll never be able to make it.
Some ideas are:
- Find the music that puts you in the best mood and fills you up with energy, and create a playlist to listen to every morning.
- Make a list of motivational speeches that fire you up, and watch them from time to time to remind yourself why this transformation is so important to you.
- Always have a book on hand that inspires you and teaches you more about life, so you become wiser each day.
- Hang an inspirational quote on your office wall
Improving your “vibes” can mean many things…
What does it mean to you, and how can you bring more of that good energy into your life?
13. Be willing to take risks and try new things
To get the results you haven’t gotten, you need to do things you haven’t done.
Prepare yourself to get out of your comfort zone, as cliché as it sounds, because there’s no way to transform your life without doing things that scare you.
14. Make a to-do list
Once you’ve compiled all the research and done all the journaling to uncover what you want, it’s time to get the ball rolling.
To do it as efficiently as possible, you’ll need to write a to-do list with all the things you learned that you want to implement.
First, take a piece of paper and write down everything you want to start doing to change your life.
Aim to write at least ten ideas on things you can start doing now.
Then, take a hard look at that list and start organizing all the items in order of importance.
Out of all those things, which ones do you need to do first?
Which ones do you want to try first?
Don’t go overboard with this. Try and implement them all one by one.
It’s extremely important to try them one at a time, so you don’t get overwhelmed and end up abandoning the entire project.
15. Take action now
Forget about “motivation” or waiting to “feel ready.”
Feeling ready and motivated comes after you see yourself doing the work, NOT before.
Once you start making the changes and seeing results, you’ll start feeling more and more motivated.
But before that, you need to get up and do that first thing on your to-do list.
So, once you’re done reading this, don’t overthink it and get up.
Go and do what you need to do. Now. Today.
Questions to ask yourself before you get started
Before you start completing these steps and doing the work, you must ask yourself some questions.
These questions will help you uncover why you want to do this, which will help you stay on track.
You can either reflect on them or use them as journaling prompts:
- Am I doing this for myself or others?
- Am I expecting to feel “ready”?
- What am I hoping to get out of this transformation?
- Am I looking for answers on the outside?
- Am I willing to put in the work?
Or you can use journaling prompts to guide you and learn even more things about yourself.
1. Don’t forget about your goals and vision
Like I mentioned before in this same post, find things (like videos, music, quotes) that keep you inspired and keep them close.
Create a playlist with music that puts you in the best of moods and makes you feel ready to conquer the world.
Find an inspirational quote that hits you and hang it somewhere you can see it every day (or use it as your phone wallpaper).
Write somewhere on your phone (like a notes app) what you want and why you want it, your big vision, and read it constantly.
Listen to educational or inspirational podcasts on your way to work.
It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and forget about the things we really want.
Just like you need to make shopping lists, so you don’t forget what you need to buy, keep a list of everything you want to do.
2. Keep track of your progress
A journal is a great way to do this.
Keep track of how much you’re changing day after day.
Read your journal entries once every month or every three months, and you’ll start noticing how much you’re growing.
More posts you’ll love:
- How and Why to Do a Simple but Effective Life Audit
- 31 Journaling Prompts For Women Who Want To Know Themselves Better
- 40 Daily Check-in Journal Prompts For Self Growth
If you want different results, and different life, you need to start doing things differently.
The trick to make this transformation stick and to avoid overwhelm is taking it step by step.
Start with small changes that don’t scare you that much but can have a massive impact on any area of your life and then build from there.
Courage and motivation come from doing; it’s after you’ve taken a leap of faith that you start feeling ready for more, not before.
So, forget about waiting until you feel “ready” and just get out there and start doing.